With Hands at Your Sides

Yes.  Thats exactly how they want you to stand after they slap you in the face....and be thankful.  "It could be worse" is what we tell ourselves when it is so hard to endure the now.  Remembering and living in a time that was then...such a sobering realization discovering you are only loving a memory.

Human (an old one that I didn't post)

Please forgive me for my weakness.  I'm waiting...with cold, short breaths...with tembling hands and a burden of shame...
waiting for you to leave.
they have always left.  every one and every thing that i held or that i loved has left.  i know if i fear such a thing...if i fear it then a part of me will make it true.  so then there adds another level to this hell that i try to hide. 
i'm afraid to say that i'm afraid.  to validate my fear means that i will sabotage my own heart and turn my fears into my reality. admitting that i'm afraid says there is a part of me that doesn't trust.....doesn't trust the universe, doesn't trust fate. 
how can we promise tomorrows when tomorrows weren't our to promise in the first place.
but i see your love in the way you look at me.  i see your loyalty when you take me by the hand.  do you know that i know i am the only girl in the room when you hold me? i do know.  i know.  i can feel it.  i know your heart is only for me and when you smile....when you smile at me, it heals so many wounds.  you have a smile that warms me...comforts me...cradles me. 
please forgive me for being afraid...jaded...wounded...
its this world i have learned to not trust...its this world that has given me hope only to watch my heart harden when it is taken away.