Human (an old one that I didn't post)

Please forgive me for my weakness.  I'm waiting...with cold, short breaths...with tembling hands and a burden of shame...
waiting for you to leave.
they have always left.  every one and every thing that i held or that i loved has left.  i know if i fear such a thing...if i fear it then a part of me will make it true.  so then there adds another level to this hell that i try to hide. 
i'm afraid to say that i'm afraid.  to validate my fear means that i will sabotage my own heart and turn my fears into my reality. admitting that i'm afraid says there is a part of me that doesn't trust.....doesn't trust the universe, doesn't trust fate. 
how can we promise tomorrows when tomorrows weren't our to promise in the first place.
but i see your love in the way you look at me.  i see your loyalty when you take me by the hand.  do you know that i know i am the only girl in the room when you hold me? i do know.  i know.  i can feel it.  i know your heart is only for me and when you smile....when you smile at me, it heals so many wounds.  you have a smile that warms me...comforts me...cradles me. 
please forgive me for being afraid...jaded...wounded...
its this world i have learned to not trust...its this world that has given me hope only to watch my heart harden when it is taken away.